It’s MLK Day here, so what better way to celebrate on an idol blog than to show not only a meeting of different races, but whole different cultures and celebrity markets?

Barbara and I did this during that nebulous time now known as B.H. - Before Haruna. This episode of SMAP X SMAP aired on June 5, 2006, and I mentioned it in the previous article about Johnny’s. We shared it on the Cult of Pop forum at the time, but that was about it, so many of you may not have seen this. The subtitling isn’t top-notch, so forgive any lapses - this is what you get when a husband and wife try to be a fansub team on their own.

You may want to watch the video first before reading the rest of this.

This clip always makes me feel good because there’s something refreshing about watching one of the most popular groups in Japan become humble, even nervous, fanboys around their own idol. Michael Jackson was one of their inspirations to become pop superstars, and they remain in awe of him even now. It’s sad that SMAP automatically assume Michael’s never heard of them until now - and they’re proven right - but it also reinforces their humility and sense of scope.

It’s also fascinating to see the range of reactions among the SMAP boys. Nakai is rendered speechless, which is a feat in itself. Shingo tells Michael that he loves him. Goro’s performance in front of MJ feels a little like when you have a child perform in front of visiting guests. Kimtaku is the best at holding it together. He’s the smoothest with introducing himself in English, playfully berates Nakai a couple times for his behavior, and even places it all in perspective: they weren’t the SMAP of today around Michael, but the boys who saw him at the Tokyo Dome many years ago.

After the initial meeting, the way they just want to sit on the floor and hash over the experience is quite telling in itself - it’s like the experience has left them emotionally exhausted and needing to recover. One can imagine a bunch of H!P fans conferring in a similar laid-back fashion after an encounter with Morning Musume or Berryz. They then bring their CD to Michael - but even this ends with a fanboy twist, as they come away with autographed copies of Michael’s own CD (which itself becomes an unexpected source of hilarity).

Michael Jackson handles himself quite well, too, all things considered. I’ll be the first to crack jokes at his expense, but for some reason I can’t make myself do so in this case. My standard for Ugly American Celebrity Behavior is Mariah Carey’s appearance on Utaban in 2005, and this was the exact opposite. Michael was polite, repeating his gratitude time and again, even saying “I love you” back to Shingo. Granted, things haven’t been too smooth for him back home, so that surely factors into it - but he still could have been a raging asshole, or even had been his usual incomprehensibly distant self throughout. He seemed to be making some effort to connect here, which should count for something. This encounter certainly doesn’t render the King of Pop any more human, but it doesn’t embarrass him either.

My respect for SMAP grew after watching this episode: it made clear that they remember their own roots as fans, that they can still be humble even after molding their own media empire, and can take it all with good humor. They didn’t try to pal around with Michael as if they were on the same level - though certainly, they could have gotten away with it on their home turf. Instead they showed deference and an eagerness to please. For some reason, it reminds me of when a musician (I can’t remember who now) once met Paul McCartney and gushed about what a fan he was; when this musician apologized for embarrassing himself, McCartney said, That’s okay, I was the same way when I met Phil Everly. So it’s kind of like a geinou circle of life, these kinds of meetings.

All that said, I’d love to see a meeting of Michael Jackson and Hey! Say! 7 as a follow-up.

I have to confess, I felt really really weird testing out the ranker after it was all set up. Which is hilarious, because I actually savor the whole “Momoko or Yasuda? Momoko of course! Yuko or Nacchi? Yuko of course!” aspect of the H!P ranker. Playing favorites is definitely one of the deepest joys of H!P fandom. But trying to choose between a KinKi Kid and an Arashi, or a SMAP and a KAT-TUN, just made me feel ill at ease, even as certain decisions seemed obvious. Well, sort of obvious - I don’t give a damn about thirty or so of the forty-five Johnny’s in the ranker, but I did have strong opinions on the remaining one-third. Shingo versus Yamapi? Hell, yeah, Shingo! The-Bidou-Guy versus Tomoya? Oooh, that’s a tough one but I gotta go with Bidou-Guy.

It wasn’t the queerness of it - Lord knows, I’m pretty secure about being happily closeted. (Don’t tell the wife! Or the baby.) But it seemed kind of strange to be assessing all these men - especially the fugly ones - when I hardly knew them, really. There is a welcome intimacy in judging my girl group idols, and that intimacy was still there when I was comparing Johnny’s idols - but it wasn’t really speaking to my sense of self, it wasn’t the kind of mastery I wanted baited in front of me. And it really doesn’t help that so many of them have pictures where they give that boy band kind of implying the bedroom but not too much stare which makes me think I should either be a teenage girl or office lady if I’m going to be allowed to stare back.

Which leads to the big question: what spurred this on in the first place?

The most direct catalyst was watching Johnny’s Countdown a few days ago - after Kimitsu of Minna Star did that fantabulous review, I just had to see it for myself. So yeah, I downloaded it overnight and spent an hour at work viewing the thing. And I enjoyed it a great deal - perhaps even more than any H!P concerts I’ve watched as of late. (Though not more than my repeated viewings of Perfume’s Fan Service: Bitter.)

It was while watching the countdown that I realized: “Hey, I know more of these people than I thought! I actually give a damn about Tomoya trying to kiss Koichi! I’m wishing that the guy who played Bidou on Yukan Club actually had blonde hair and blue eyes! And I’m wishing that SMAP was here, though of course they ruled Kouhaku.” And from there I figured a ranker for Johnny’s would be pretty cool, and be a handy way to learn who’s who better. (Notice that I didn’t think of this for AKB48 right away, though now I guess that should come next. Maybe.)

And of course, there was the way I became completely enchanted recently by the genius of Yukan Club. Seriously, it is one of the best damn shows of all time, and Bidou is one of the most magnificent television characters ever. I think. I may even do another clip of Yukan Club set to Erasure, if the inspiration hits me. (Or maybe be dangerous and set it to Bronski Beat or Blancmange…) That certainly factored into my blossoming into a Johnny’s fangirl.

So there’s Johnny’s Countdown, and there’s Yukan Club… And there was sorta keeping track of Tomoya after the rather visible breakup with Ayu last summer… And I really liked the PV for SMAP’s “Danggan Fighter” when it came out… Really, this was a long time coming. I think I’ve been inching my way, bit by bit, into that dark tight hole of Johnny’s fandom for a long time now.

SMAP is a huge part of it for me. When I first started getting into Morning Musume in the first place, my wife was asking me to look for SMAP songs as well, as she had been a fan. (”Smack?” “No, SMAP.” “SMAP? What kind of a name is that?”) Utaban was a great way to get to like Nakai, though of course he’s often overshadowed by Ishibashi. The charms of Shingo - Mama or not - became apparent to me pretty quickly, too, especially since he has the smile of carefree mentally-challenged child. And can stick his whole first in his mouth, which he did on Kouhaku a few years back. Beyond that, I actually like a couple of their songs and I still think the PV for “SMAC” is one of the best, most clever in Jpop. It easily makes my all-time top ten PVs. (Another PV I’ve never mentioned but would make my all-time top ten: Ayu’s “Angel’s Song”. It’s too fucking weird to not love.)

And of course, there was that wonderful meeting between SMAP and Michael Jackson. Truly, that was one of the greatest geinou moments ever, with SMAP turning into a bunch of nervous fanboys for the King of Pop. (Maybe I should repost the fansubbed video Barb and I made of that meeting? Hm…) When Shingo told Michael, “I love you,” it was such a sincere and honest moment of fan worship that I still beam when I think of it. It helps not to think about what went on at Neverland, but whatever.

There were some other things, of course. When my wife and I went to see Letters From Iwo Jima in the theater, that one soldier looked so damn familiar to me… and when I found out it was a guy from Arashi, I felt stupid for not realizing it right away. I loved Kitty GYM’s “Fever to Future” - both the song and the video - when it came out, and since then have often tried out Johnny’s PVs (mostly Kanjani8 and KAT-TUN) to see if there was anything as good as that song. (Not yet, unfortunately.) And the only Jpop idol I’ve ever seen in person was Domoto Tsuyoshi walking down the streets of Waikiki, being filmed by a TV crew. That certainly made an impression on me.

So yeah, Johnny’s has been creeping into my wota life since the beginning, and it’s finally taking a firm hold now. I don’t think it’s going to mean a financial commitment to any of the groups out there - I’m not buying albums or DVDs or anything, though if something as good as “Fever to Future” does pop up, I could change my mind. However, it does mean a continued awareness of Johnny’s groups and an acknowledgment that they make up a huge part of the geinou landscape, with a visibility and popularity that Hello! Project would envy. It isn’t that hard to enjoy Japanese entertainment without running into any of the H!P girls; it’s nearly impossible to do the same with Johnny’s. Whether it’s Utaban or somebody in a drama or another Oricon hit - they’re here, they’re Johnny’s, get used to it.

Anyway, here’s my Top Ten Johnny’s idols:

1	Shingo Katori (SMAP)
2	Masahiro Nakai (SMAP)
3	Kimura Takuya (SMAP)
4	Inagaki Goro (SMAP)
5	Taguchi Junnosuke (KAT-TUN)
6	Yokoyama Yu (Kanjani8)
7	Nagase Tomoya (TOKIO)
8	Domoto Tsuyoshi (KinKi Kids)
9	Ninomiya Kazunari (Arashi)
10	Akanishi Jin (KAT-TUN)

I’d explain the rankings, but it seems kind of self-explanatory by now.

On a final note, a request to interested readers: if you have any better photos of any Johnny’s boys / men for this ranker, I’d appreciate it. Mostly I took what I found from the DramaWiki at D-Addicts - it’s kind of weird that I knew that’d be the easiest resource for pictures of most all of them. That said, I’m sure there’s better photos out there somewhere. And if you could get me those photos in the proper 150-pixel width by 200-pixel height, that’d make it a whole lot easier to handle. Maybe just post them up in comments and I can take it from there.

Oh, and I’d also appreciate it if somebody could tell me if I mixed up Golf for Mike or Mike for Golf. It’s like trying to tell apart the brothers in Nelson.

Plastic Bertrand’s “Ça plane pour moi”. Seriously, I want to hear Momoko sing these lyrics, but sped up the way Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore did it. It could wind up like that scene from Decline of Western Civilization where the Germs’ Darby Crash is rolling around the stage floor, babbling like an aphasic child going through a seizure. Also, imagine a stadium full of wota doing that high-pitch “ooh-whoo-ooh-ooh!”. Glow sticks could shatter.

Lordi’s “Hard Rock Hallelujah!” It’s an actual Eurovision winner, and the costumes would look great on the girls. (Maasa seems particularly well-suited to such a style.) They can rock out even more than “Munasawagi Scarlet”, and strike air guitar poses like in “Honto no Jibun”. Also, we can all make bets on who’ll lose a limb to the pyrotechnic displays shooting off around them.

France Gall’s “Les Sucettes”. What could be more sweet and Jpop-py than a song about lollipops? The PV for this could drive the wota wild. Oh man, I’d pay triple for the Single V if they ever did this song. Quadruple for an extra-long making-of segment.

Einstürzende Neubauten’s “Yu Gung”. If it’s good enough for Pussy Galore to cover, it’s good enough for Berryz.

Barring all this, Berryz can also boost their image by doing a Hinoi Team and working with a famous comedian. While some of you would think Dandy Sakano would be the perfect fit, my vote would be for Hard Gay - he’d certainly give “Les Sucettes” the extra oomph it needs.

And I know all of you have ideas of your own on this topic. I’d love to hear them.

10. Amuro Namie, “Can’t Sleep, Can’t Eat, I’m Sick”. Amuro had a weak 2006, but this summer single sticks with me even now - it’s a lightweight effort, but handled with such style and joy. The video has Namie as a sexy schoolgirl in a sports car - so really, all that matters is the sexy schoolgirl part. That said, I still get the title mixed up - shouldn’t loss of appetite precede insomnia as a sign of illness?

9. Halcali, “Twinkle Star”. After stumbling in their major label debut, the duo returned with this explosion of sonic and visual surrealism. The use of the theme from The Magnificent Seven - which supposedly delayed the release by months, waiting for permission - makes it musically stirring in an unexpected fashion, showing how wise sampling can both pay homage to the source material and make one see it in a new light. Haruka and Yukari’s rapping is at the top of their form, and their singing is great too.

This video has long defied sensical interpretation for me, which I think is the point:. The use of various animals, size changes, and donuts (an obvious reference to their considerably less talented rivals) seem to be in the service of looking silly and interesting, and not much else. That said, the girls in those white boots… wow. Wow wow wow.

8. Kitade Nana, “Kibou no Kakera”. A high-velocity pop rock song defined by Nana’s distinctive voice, a very catchy hook, and a video featuring the three most punk rawk stuffed animals I’d ever seen in Japanese music. The interaction between Nana and the full-sized stuffed animals is both disturbing in a Shining way and adorable in its delicate evocation of a very strange childhood.

7. C-ute, “Massara Blue Jeans”. Mostly here because of the “Love me love me love me love me” pelvic thrusting. Okay, and there’s the fact that it’s a great song - their best single up until “Tokkaiko Junjou”, with a propulsive bassline and excellent singing by the leads. And there’s the way the PV does an excellent job of differentiating C-ute from Berryz by playing off the tension of having the youngest and cutest H!P Kids with some of the oldest and sexiest. (The moves that make Maimi and Megukami so hot look simply cute on Maimai.)

6. Bennie K, “Disco Senpai”. My first encounter with Bennie K, mostly because someone on MM-BBS noted how freakish and untypical the video was for Bennie K. The song is also pretty atypical for them, more rough-hewn and frenetic than their best singles, and guest rappers Alpha add to that mood without overshadowing the women. The focus of any Bennie K song is the interplay between Cico’s rapping and Yuki’s near-beatific singing, and that’s definitely shown off to great effect here.

The video is a strange Freudian high school melodrama about the return of the repressed: a teacher who can’t get past his nerdy aloofness is transformed into a disco god, then proceeds to save a similarly afflicted student who is in love with a girl who winds up being kidnapped by the Creature From The Black Lagoon in a UFO. It makes perfect sense as a psychodrama, but works just as well as a simple farce. Oh, and the closing pose is an incredibly funny homage to the first Star Wars film.

5. Kishidan, “The Aishiteru”. An excellent rock song with just a little bit of Spanish influence, the video doesn’t feature the members of the group but instead has clearly labeled proxies among the sailors that star in it. (Check the scarves.) The PV’s touching love story shows how deftly Kishidan are able to blend postmodern tomfoolery with a strong sentimental streak, a hallmark of their goofy “bad boys with a heart of gold” meta-narrative. Also, I can’t help but think the dance sequences are at least partially an homage to Morning Musume’s “The Peace!”. If you’ve never checked out Kishidan up to now, do yourself a favor and give them a try - they’re full of unexpected surprises and pleasures both musically and visually.

4. DJ Ozma, “One Night”. In its first year, this disco spinoff group from Kishidan was even more stridently pomo in how they handled themselves - it was a big wonderful joke, and they wanted everyone in on it. I Love Party People is a great CD and DVD, filled with surprises good and bad. “One Night” isn’t only a great dance song, but the video captures a dance club fantasia that’s actually appealing in its mix of nostalgia and Nippon. The odd part is, for or a group that focuses so much on dancing and getting naked and being surrounded by beautiful women, I never got a sense of raw sexuality in DJ Ozma’s early PVs the way I do in, say, Amuro Namie’s “Cant Sleep” or “Want Me, Want Me”. You often get the sense that everybody’d be just as happy to keep dancing the night away than getting laid. Sublimation becomes surface, the excuse becomes the raison d’etre: it is, in its own way, ridiculously subversive. And yet, doesn’t the very best disco make you want to dance all night long? Maybe I need to see Saturday Night Fever again…

3. misono, “VS”. The debut solo single from the singer of Day After Tomorrow and Koda Kumi’s younger sister, this absolutely kicked my ass when I first heard it and still retains much of its charm today. The song is excellent, her best single by far and an excellent showcase for her vocal skills. The use of a fairy tale motif was given a manic energy and comic psychological depth by having misono play both the evil witch and the innocent heroine. To me, misono here is so much sexier than her sister has ever been, especially when she dons boxing gloves and has a “come get me” look on her face. Oh, and I love the way the forest critters behave in the PV - they seemed less concerned with supporting good than just getting these freaks out of their neighborhood.

2. Berryz Koubo, “Warrachaou Yo Boyfriend”. To my mind, the best single released yet by Berryz, and a charming video in its own right. Thematically, the girls grow up enough to get summer jobs; musically, they go just retro enough to show how maturity in pop music is as much about a sense of style as anything else. (I never did agree with comparisons to second gen Tanpopo, however - Tanpopo was about recreating the Phil Spector wall-of-sound girl groups, which definitely isn’t the case here.) I especially love Chinami defying gravity - it seems so appropriate for her.

1. Perfume, “Electroworld”. This single and PV was what first caught my attention with the techno-pop trio, and I’ve been in love ever since. If someone had told me there’d be a Jpop video that makes use of motifs from William Gibson’s Neuromancer, I’d have scoffed - but that’s exactly what we have here, with evocations of meat puppets, Molly Millions style destroyers, ICE… And the song itself is catchy, as Perfume builds its cyberpunk aesthetic with vocoders and a singing style meant to evoke the computer age - yet still filled with warmth and wintermuted passion.

For me, Perfume has become as good as Bounceback-era SweetS - that is, they’re the epitome of what makes Japanese pop music great, a distinct genre and cultural experience from anything else. Thankfully, their streak is lasting longer than SweetS, and doesn’t look like it’ll fade any time soon.

If I were to revise this list based on my judgment today, I’d probably kick out the number ten and nine choices and put TRF’s “We Are All Bloomin’” and Younha’s “Ima Ga Daisuke” (looking back now, why the latter isn’t in the top three is a bit baffling - the me of 2006 has become a stranger, I guess). And knowing how misono’s career turned out, “VS” may drop a few notches - though for some reason I don’t feel the same way about DJ Ozma, despite his inability to release a decent single in all of 2007. (I don’t think the notoriety of last year’s Kouhaku spoiled him and his group; rather, they were a joke that just got tiresome.) I could also be persuaded to replace Bennie K’s “Disco Senpai” with “Joy Trip”, which came out at the end of the year.

If you want to watch all ten videos, it’s the newest episode of AmeWota TV under Wota Distractions. You’ll need to be an AW Forum member to get the password, though.

And now I’m ready to move on to 2007’s Top Ten.

For a while now, H!P has had to clump together various units under the guise of a medley just to get them in Kouhaku in the first place. W and Def. Diva immediately come to mind, and they had the advantage of featuring Musumes the general public recognizes, which the H!P Kids don’t. It would have been much more surprising - albeit more satisfying for fans - if C-ute and Berryz Koubo each received their own slot. It would have meant that they were recognized by Kouhaku as distinct groups with their own value, and not just the backup dancers and metaphorical little sisters of Morning Musume. That just hasn’t happened yet.

As for performing “Love Machine” yet again - that’s all the general public cares to remember at this point, and Kouhaku is about giving the people what they want. (Wota aren’t people in this case.) The double-edged sword of Morning Musume’s Golden Age legacy has always been more likely to be raised against a current line-up’s favor when larger audiences are involved: in other words, the new work is always sidelined for the classic singles when Morning Musume as a historical phenomenon (as opposed to a living, evolving music group) is emphasized. The tenth anniversary has made that mixed blessing even more obvious as the Musumes shill their Collected Singles CD and DVD by rehashing seven-year-old releases.

It’s a classic double bind: on the one hand, H!P’s flagship unit relies on the name recognition to continue to sell as much as they do and to attract new fans. On the other hand, they have to live up to expectations that the name recognition involves. You can’t have a Rolling Stones arena tour without doing a bunch of singles from their 1960s prime; you can’t have the Beach Boys on tour without “California Girls”; and it seems you can’t sell Morning Musume to the Japanese public without bringing up “Love Machine”. It may be weird to think of Morning Musume as an oldies group, but that may just be the case in the public eye.

And many thanks to Nya Fansubs for subbing this series.

“Ai no Tane”: Right from the beginning, Morning Musume had members who were barely in their teens - but it took them a while to get members barely in their teens whose appeal came from being barely in their teens. That is, the road to pedoliciousness was not an easy or immediate one to take.

Fukuda Asuka is a cutie, but by no means was she pedolicious. She could be quite fetching at times, but nobody ever thought, “bikini photobook” with her. I think it had more to do with her personality and the somber mood of Morning Musume’s early singles than her looks.

“Love Machine”: Goto Maki, while thirteen years old when she joined, was certainly sexy - but not quite pedolicious. If Asuka seemed too mature personality wise, Gocchin didn’t seem all that young physically - she appeared older than her age, or at least she did so when surrounded by the likes of Yuko and Aya and Nacchi.

“Happy Summer Wedding”: There we go! It took fourth gen to find the perfect pedolicious idol for the group, Kago Ai. She was a cute youngster, there was a vibrancy to her personality and looks that made her stand out.

“I Wish”: The first time she grabbed the reins of a song, with her opening lines still standing up as some of the finest singing in a Morning Musume single.

“Renai Revolution 21″: Now, whether or not she was actually innocent or had long had bad taste in men (the Orange Range rumors come to mind), I have no idea. But she could project innocence as well as mischief with a startling mastery of her idol persona. The proof is in the way she made cruelty attractive: when she sank her fangs and claws into someone - in her impressions, for example - fans were delighted by her ruthlessness, perhaps even attracted to it.

What the fuck, she punched Yagu in the crotch and everyone laughed! That alone should tell us something.

Kago’s partner in crime, Tsuji Nozomi, was an ugly little kid with a mischievous personality and a strong work ethic - but by pedolicious measurements, that still just left an ugly kid. Here, though, we begin to see the young idol that could give Ultraman an extra rocket boost below the belt.

“The Peace!”: A great deal has always been made of the Tsujikago duo, and their chemistry certainly was a key part of their success. However, let’s not gloss over the fact that during the early years, Kago was clearly the favored child and Tsuji had to grow into her own before they could be seen as equals. By the time W came around, their partnership was rock-solid, but Tsuji had also emerged from ugly kid to beautiful young woman.

“Mr. Moonlight”: Fifth gen were all pretty young, though low on pedoliciousness. Takahashi Ai never seemed young in personality - or at least, the boring kind of young that could never radiate U15 love. Like Tsuji, Niigaki Risa was an ugly kid who benefited greatly from puberty and received a stunning makeover when the hormones subsided. Konno Asami wasn’t as ugly, but certainly had more appeal as she got older.

That left Ogawa Makoto, whose debut PV had her playing the love interest of Yoshizawa Hitomi in one of the most beloved pairings in H!P.

“Souda! We’re Alive”: Unfortunately, Makoto’s image underwent the reverse of other girls - as she got older, she was generally considered less attractive. The looks that made her pedolicious in these early videos gave way as she gained weight and began messing with her hairstyle. Puberty wasn’t as kind to her as it was on Tsuji and Risa, and unfortunately it happened in the spotlight. She always maintained an upbeat and fun personality but the idol world is, by definition, harsh and unforgiving.

Kago, meanwhile, continued to assert her own pedolicious qualities with an outfit more appropriate for somebody half her age. The fact that she can rock that look foreshadows how she and Tsuji would remain mostly infantilized for much of their time in H!P. They won our hearts as cute kids, but remained cute kids in their image a bit too long.

“Shabondama”: The debut of sixth gen was the most calculated stab at pedoliciousness yet, with all three new girls being thirteen or younger. (Mikitty doesn’t count for our purposes here.) Kamei Eri had interesting looks from the beginning, but seemed too bland to be completely pedolicious - again, she’s part of the club that benefited greatly from finishing off puberty and becoming a very attractive young woman.

Tanaka Reina not only had a stunning voice from the beginning, she also had a unique image - a tough yankee girl - that helped set her apart even further.

In contrast, Michishige Sayumi was much more the traditional, demure girl. Her role model was Ishikawa Rika, and she made claims to being the cutest in the group. What first seemed annoying and vain slowly emerged as a strongly-honed idol persona being played with the same focus as Charmy herself.

“Go Girl! Koi no Victory”: The three young sixth gen have all grown up and become quite sexy, each in their own way. If anything, they match fourth gen in the way they sharply developed their idol personae to excellent effect. Sayumi broke outside of the Charmy mold to become her own idol with her own sense of humor, Eri actually developed an on-screen personality after a couple years, and Reina ended up forsaking her yankee look and attitude for something… well…

Okay, I’m one of those who misses Reina’s old yankee style, but the fact is, she recalibrated at some point and it’s seemed to serve her well. So from a career perspective, there’s no faulting that. And for some reason, I still get that rebellious vibe in some of her photobook work, so that counts for something.

“Iroppoi Jirettai”: After too long a wait, seventh gen arrived in the form of Kusumi Koharu. Whether or not she was pedolicious from the start, she’s definitely pedolicious now. Here she’s being groped by Eri.

“Chokkan 2″: At the beginning, she radiated more of an over-caffeinated energy, like somebody spiked her sippy cup with speed while she was playing on the jungle gyms. As she grew into her idol persona, she’s been able to modulate it in an impressive manner: she can be taken seriously when she wants to be, as she does in her photobooks, and also shows her fun side. Her enthusiasm has served her well, as she seems to throw herself into her work and be completely in the moment, whatever the mood may be. Meanwhile, her solo work showed that she wasn’t an over-caffeinated child but simply insane - which for some reason looks quite sexy on her.

“Egao Yes Nude”: As pedolicious as Koharu has become, Mitsui Aika was pedolicious straight out of the gate. If anything, she’s second only to Aibon in how pedolicious she is, which is something of an achievement as far as I’m concerned.

The interesting thing about Aika is that she doesn’t come across as over-emphasizing her more juvenile traits, the way Aibon did, nor does she show any signs of a complete unmooring of cranial hemispheres the way Koharu does. Rather, her persona is more reserved without trying to seem too grown-up - she is both Monday’s and Tuesday’s child, fair of face as well as full of grace. If Aibon seemed both irrepressible and precocious, then Aika seems more quietly self-assured in her precocity.

“Kanashimi Twilight”: In her first year, Aika’s managed to assert herself without calling undue attention. That is, she’s very much a team player, but nevertheless her personality shines whenever the camera is turned on her.

If anything, this reminds me of Ichii Sayaka, who seemed to fade into the background but when given the spotlight was able to dazzle. This being the modern Musumes, though, none of the girls are allowed to fade into the wallpaper too much - their wota fan base won’t allow it.

“Mikan”: Aika had the best of the childhood photos in this video.

Oddly enough, I suspect that picture was probably taken after Morning Musume was formed. It’s only a matter of another generation or two before new members will join who weren’t even born when Morning Musume started.

Considering the type of wota that I am, it’s refreshing to suddenly be interested in Morning Musume as an H!P unit again. I have to admit, the last time I really cared about Morning Musume as much as I do now was around the time of “Joshi”. Now they’re far and away my favorite unit again, though the Pandas and the maturing of sixth gen also plays a role.

As much as I love Berryz and C-ute and appreciate the pedoliciousness of some of their members, Aika has certain things going for her that the H!P Kids don’t: the visibility and prestige of being in the flagship unit, sheer novelty, and a force of personality that seems a given with the most gifted Musumes. She also has a better rack than most of them - or the current Musume line-up, for that matter.

With Koha and Aika on board, this may not be the most pedolicious Morning Musume has been in terms of quantity, but certainly in terms of quality it’s up there with the early Aibon years. So in this holiday season, this is something wota should be grateful for, an unexpected treat in our stocking.

And hopefully, Aika’s first bikini photobook will finally be on its way in early 2008, with many more to follow. God bless us all, everyone!

“Koi no Dance Site”: Sayaka works the pastel plaid hat and whistle…

… Theory: A cowboy hat makes an okay idol look sexy and a sexy idol look sexier. Logically speaking, then, Sayaka looks stunningly smexy here.

“Renai Revolution 21″: Kei is also hottie-fied with her purple furry cowboy hat…

“Souda! We’re Alive”: Yagu’s orange cowboy hat also adds a layer of smexy on her…

Can I recycle the “reverse-cowgirl roll in the hay” joke here? No? Well, then, I’d like to see a real cowboy wear those leggings. Or blow a whistle. Or work a morning pirate.

“Koko ni Iruzee!”: Nacchi has a sorta-cowboy hat…

… and while not cowboy hats, the hats worn here have a nice, rugged outdoor look…

.. it doesn’t have the sexifying effect real cowboy hats do (though in Rika’s case, it’s not like she needed it)…

… though the dirt on Nacchi’s face is definitely a turn-on.

“Go Girl! Koi no Victory”: Back to real cowboy hats! And this one can conceivably be worn by a real cowboy… well, maybe a real cowboy cruising for chicken at the local leather bar.

Nevertheless, Miki looks absolutely freaking adorable here.

“Sexy Boy”: Definitely not a cowboy hat, but all the girls are wearing straw sun hats…

… though again, the sexifying power of this headgear doesn’t match a cowboy hat.

“Aruiteru”: Not quite a cowboy hat, but Yossie’s whole outfit here is ridiculous and would have benefited from that change.

Bonus Image: While not from the Morning Musume PVs, any discussion of Momusu and cowboy hats must include this wonderful example from Ecomoni:

“Manatsu no Kousen”: Yagu and Sayaka take a dip in the pool…

… God help me and my filthy, filthy imagination.

“The Peace!”: The Musume Sailors swab the head…

… and brave a storm.

“Do It! Now”: Nacchi is feeling real thirsty…

… and is it me, or are we supposed to think that each of them has her own personal water cooler?

That Damn Puppet Show Song: Morning Pirates on the prowl!

Actually, when I think of “morning” and “pirates”, H!P isn’t the first thing that comes to mind.

“As For One Day”: Kago stands glumly in the rain…

… and completely off-topic, but why is Yossie dressed like a middle-aged OTB hound?

“Shabondama”: Hysteria on the wading pool dance floor…

… someone’s thinking, “Throw the hair dryer in! Throw the hair dryer in!”

“Chokkan 2″: Sweaty, sweaty concert footage…

… if they sweat this much under the hot lights, maybe they should be wearing less.

“Egao Yes Nude”: No, I could not resist…

Again, God help me and my filthy, filthy imagination.